About Us | Contact Us | Subscribe

Ask The Experts

Career Direction

I was a lawyer before I had my son. We decided that I would stay at home until he started school which he does in September. I feel at a loss and very unhappy as I am not doing anything. I started a PhD before I had my son. I did research whilst he was a baby. I have completed that. I am thinking of starting my own business in proof reading but I need to do a course. I have all the material and have registered with a correspondent college but cannot find the motivation. I would like to become financially independant again. Is there any government help available financially for women in my position? My husband takes me for granted because I am at home. I feel I am lacking confidence which I never did before. I wonder if you could help please? Regards Mary

Advice from Mary Webber: Dear Mary, There are some grants available to people trying to get small businesses off the ground, from both the Government and several charities and trusts. Usually these grants only meet a proportion of the start up costs and the rest you have to meet in some other way. Which grants you’ll be eligible to apply for will depend on your circumstances, your location, and your business plan. You can find more information about what grants are available and how you can apply for them from Business Link at www.businesslink.org.uk or you can call them on 0845 600 9006. Anyone considering setting up their own business may also find it useful to read Citizens Advice’s self-employment checklist www.adviceguide.org.uk . I hope this is useful, Mary Webber Advice from Diana Wolfin: Dear Mary - your question will probably strike a chord with many readers. Why is it that after doing the most important job in the world - bringing up children - so many women feel a loss of confidence and can hardly recall all the skills which they had before? For you, it may be helpful to talk to your husband (go out to eat, perhaps, as in a public place you are less likely to row!) about how you feel, as you say that he takes you and what you are doing at home for granted. Just because you are not in paid employment it does not mean that you are not working and doing a significant job. If you can take time to write down all the things which you did before you took a career break - your job, your main skills, any additional activities - it will help you to feel that you can be that person again, only more, with the experience you have gained from being a mum. You clearly have a good brain, as you have worked as a lawyer and also started a PhD; so it is not likely to be a lack of ability that would hold you back, only a lack of belief in yourself. Confidence does come back after time at home, and many women have said to me that they are surprised how quickly it can return, in the right environment. If you are looking at a career as a proofreader, this might be a lonely occupation if you do it from home and you may want the company of other adults after some time at home. A Career Development Loan (CDL) might help you on the financial side (www.lifelonglearning.co.uk or 0800 585 505 for more information) but to study again (and to start your own business) does require some serious motivation. It would help you to get your husband to understand your position so that you are both pulling in the same direction rather than you feeling alone in your plans. If you are serious about proofreading, see if there is a professional association so you can get a realistic idea about the amount of work around in this field and whether the investment of time and money in the training will give you what you want. Motherhood is the most valuable task in the world and if you look at your son and see how he has grown and developed, this is down to your efforts which are to be greatly valued. I hope that you will be successful in finding your confidence. Diana Wolfin.


I would welcome your advice on my career dilema. Having just had my first baby (after 8 years of trying and IVF treatment) I left a secure career in the civil service as a pr/events manager to go it alone. As the major breadwinner in the family I am determined to make a success of my new career and provide for my baby son. He is currently being cared for by my mother in law - this situation will end in March when we will need to find the money for child care. I left my employment believing that I had some major consultancy projects lined up working alongside a former colleague - unfortunately this now looks unlikely to carry on long term past November. As the breadwinner of the family I cannot opt to stay at home with my son so I am pulling all the stops out to find new work. I have heard that there is a pr company/consultancy in London that uses working mothers for freelance work but have been unable to locate them. Has anyone heard of this? I am at the stage where I working flat out on my current projects with little time to plan ahead but I need to discipline myself to do so. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you, Suzanne

Dear Suzanne - your question has taken a little while to answer as I have been doing some research for you with my contacts in PR, so apologies for the delay. What you are experiencing, the uncertainty of self-employment and working as a consultant, is common when people leave a secure and very structured working life for the risky and volatile world in which you are launching yourself. My contact in PR tells me that there are many working mothers in PR but that she does not know of a consultancy which particularly uses women with children. It is also common for contracts to fall at the last minute and this may be more connected with the nature of the business than the fact that you are a mum. New regulations and the government's initiatives for working parents should mean that you are not discriminated against for being a working parent but the loss of contracts and potential income can be very frustrating when you are the main breadwinner. As the first year of any new business is precarious, it might be worth looking at your business plan for a realistic view of projected income( or make one if you do not have one). PR is a very client-driven field and whether you are a working mother or not, will be subject to those constraints, which will be very different from life as a civil servant, which was your previous experience. The Institute of Public Relations (www.ipr.org.uk) may be able to help you with any agencies which are specific to this industry; I imagine that you will already be aware of this professional body. There is also the Public Relations Consultants Association which might be helpful.(www.prca.org.uk) On the personal side, I hope that you and your husband will be able to talk through the present difficulties of a new and demanding business, as well as the challenge of being new parents following a struggle to have your baby. Do not expect too much from yourself (successful business, perfect parent, excellent relationship) - you have had many changes in your life within a short time and you need to get used to them all. I hope that the consultancy you have started will provide you with what you need to keep all of these elements of your life balanced. Good luck! Diana Wolfin www.changingdirection.com


I will shortly be returning to work after my second round of maternity leave. I returned to my old job part time 6 months after my first baby was born. As my second baby turned out to be twins (!) this time around I have taken the full legal entitlement of a year's leave. Do you have any advice for how to prepare myself for re-entry to my old job? A year out of the workplace is a very long break and I would like to increase my confidence. Many thanks.

Fiona - I hope that things are going well for you as the mother of three young children. I am sure you are wondering how you will adapt to the return to work, as many other women have also wondered. It might be helpful to ask your boss whether you could come in for a few hours before the end of your maternity leave - just to acclimatise yourself slowly and remind both you and your colleagues of who you are and what you can do, and that you are not "just a mother". Although you do not say what work you do, I imagine that this would be possible as you are returning to a familiar environment rather than a new place of work. If there are any changes in working practices or personnel it might be an idea to familiarise yourself with these before you start working again. In terms of preparing at home, I presume that you have your childcare sorted and any contingency plans for when the children might be unwell ( always a possibility with young children!) and when your carer is not available. A young Mum with three small children needs lots of backup so that when you are at work, you are not worrying about matters at home. It is also important to be able to compartmentalise your life so that you are able to give one hundred percent while at work and that your colleagues see this commitment. On the personal front, try to ensure that you get enough sleep at the start (maybe almost impossible!) so that when things are new, you have greater energy levels - you will get used to it as time passes. A new hairstyle or clothes for work can do wonders for your confidence levels and taking a few extra vitamins at a time of change when you are adapting to your new life might also be helpful. Remember that you could do the job before and you will be able to do it again - you might be pleasantly surprised at how quickly it all comes back. Good Luck! Diana Wolfin www.changingdirection.com


I recently returned to work at a high profile financial house where I am a Director. Having had a child I have noticed a distinct change in people's attitudes towards me. They seem to be taking the view 'How can a woman who has children be committed and dedicated to her job when she has family commitments as well?'. What do Ihave to do to reassure them that if I leave on time three days a week, I'm still as dedicated? Emily, Northampton

Firstly, you might jokingly say to your colleagues that there is no need to go easy on you now that you have returned from maternity leave as you have noticed that they are not sure that you are up to the task again. This gives you a chance to give them the benefit of the doubt, that perhaps they are just thinking of you and not wanting to push you too hard too early. This also gives the issue an airing which may provoke some conversation about your new role as a mother. If you are sure that they are leaving you out of major projects deliberately, there are two issues at it seems to me. The first of these issues is one of communication - the position of working mothers should be talked about and you may need to impress upon them that because you have a womb (and have recently used it!) it does not mean that your other faculties or abilities are any less. Suggest that you welcome the opportunity to be involved at the level you were before, (presuming that there have been no other changes while you were away.) Women do sometimes feel insecure about their positions when they return to work, especially if they have worked at senior level where competitiveness is high. Do not talk about your baby or your domestic issues at work - keep them in a separate compartment so that your colleagues can see the "old you", rather than the new, more mumsy version. This may take time and discipline on your part, but if you chat a lot about your baby, or spend time on the phone with your childminder, this sends out a message to your colleagues which will only reinforce what you are concerned about. If you can impress your colleagues that your dedication has not changed, they may shift their perspective. The second issue is one of organisational culture: you speak about leaving on time being frowned upon. The long hours culture is as unhealthy for men without families as it is for women with children and this may require some input from your HR department into work-life balance policies within the organisation as a whole, which would be good for the whole team, as well as taking the focus away from you. You might also consider whether flexible working, with some time spent working at home, would be appropriate for you. While an excellent option, it does not work for all. The DTI has information on their website www.dti.gov.uk/work-lifebalance about better work-life balance policies for all, not just working mothers; you may also find some help from "Working Families", www.workingfamilies.org.uk a new organisation created from "Parents at Work" and "New Ways to Work" which has factsheets on best practice within organisations and works to create a culture which does not look at how long you are in the office as a marker of your commitment to working hard. You HR department may find this of value. Your personal challenge of juggling your roles as new mother and part of your financial team is at its greatest now - I hope that it will get easier as time progresses. Good luck!


Dear Diana, I am 29 and I hold a BA in History and have work experience as a teacher. Lately I have grown as a person and I want to do something more. Do you think I am too old to go back to University for a degree in Business? I will have finished at the age of 34 and I am afraid that I will be taken as mature against the 20-somethings you see and compete in the free job market ... Your opinion ? Anna.

We are very fortunate at the moment that our working lives are becoming much more flexible, both in terms of the hours and way in which we work, and also what we do. People are changing careers several times in their working lifetime instead of sticking rigidly to the same thing until they retire. This means that education and training are open and accessible to people at many stages in their lives and not just when they are leaving school and embarking on a career for the first time. Anna, I do not think that you will be too old to start a new career at 34 - I would not think it either if you were 54! What you can bring is your experience of life and maturity, the motivation you have and will need to complete another degree and the confidence which will come from knowing that you have achieved it. Many women are starting their own businesses and are, at last, being taken seriously by banks when approached with a business plan. Many of the twenty-somethings you mention in your question will have little other than their degree when they start working and the fact that you say you have grown as a person is likely to come from some experience of life, which I, and hopefully others, will see as an advantage. One can always look at the negative side of a situation, but I would suggest that you see your previous experience as a plus and also do not focus on age - you are still relatively young compared with many women I have worked with who have retrained when they were well over 50 and successfully started a new career. Applying as a mature student is quite common now - the Open University (www.open.ac.uk) attracts a huge number of potential students who want to gain a new degree and one can also get a Career Development Loan (CDL) from the government to help you along the way if money is an issue (www.lifelonglearning.co.uk) . Whatever you decide to do, you will need to be highly motivated - the student life is difficult when your contemporaries are all earning money and have the freedom which that brings. If you can keep in mind you end goal, that should help maintain your morale when times are hard (and homework is late!). You do not say whether you have children, but if you do, returning to study provides them with an excellent role model and an understanding that we can learn at any stage in our lives, not just when we are at school. You will also need to be very disciplined in your approach to your studies as children and domestic matters provide an easy distraction when you do not feel like studying! Try to have a separate place where you work at home so that you can keep your books etc out and dip in when you have a few moments. I think if you have the opportunity to do what you really want you should take it - your profession as a teacher will always be there for you if you want to pick it up again, and may also come in useful at a future stage. I wish you good luck at this exciting time in your life. Regards, Diana Wolfin.


© Tyler Publishing
Terms of Service | Print this page