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Time Management

Please could you help me and my my husband solve this major problem in our lives? I'm in my early 30's and my husband is in his late 30's. We have been stuck in the poverty trap for some years now and trying our very best to work our way off benefits. We have two children 8 yrs old and 21 mths, plus, an unplanned one on the way in about 8 wks time. We are both pursuing careers with the Open University. My current level 1 course is BA HONS Humanities and when I pass this course, then I wish to go on and study for a BA HONS in Law, as this will help me immensely in gaining my career goals! I've extensive work experience and Broadcast Journalism training at Access To HE level. I'm studying hard, as well the struggling prospect to achieve my career goal to become a future Journalist, wishing to get in the TV Industry where I have contacts to! When I return from maternity leave, I'll be continuing my P/T voluntary job as a PR Officer with a national UK children's charity, the job itself has very flexible hours. My husband is also studying with the Open University on a BA HONS in Social Science and if he passes the 1st level then he'll go on to study BA HONS Psychology next year. The major change that is taking place in our lives, is coping with three kids, moving house to a new area within the next 6 mths and the fact that we are presently planning and setting up a new business where we can move with! The funding will be provided by Learn Direct after intial business course completion and financial assessment. The business will help my career goals as I'll be the magazine Editor, PR Officer and Journalist recruiting members as volunteers to help out on the magazine, publicity and editing department! It will increase my contacts into the media and broadcasting industry too. But our greatest worry is how are we going to manage bringing up 3 kids, studies and managing a business without any family support? My PR job has been inconsistent so far and if we move away from London then I'll be considering leaving this role anyway especially if I find the new business will take up too much of my time! Childcare will be financially provided for by the Sure Start charity whom I know the staff confidently to help us out in that sense. Pauline.

All I can say is "Wow!" - you must be the embodiment of superwoman if she exists. I feel exhausted just reading all that you are doing. You are making a conscious effort to change your situation and you need to be patient while this transformation is taking place. Rather like an aeroplane when it takes off, it uses the greatest fuel and energy to get to the next level. Once there, it cruises along and it is less of an effort. You are at the take-off stage but it is going to last a while as you are studying for a degree which takes time. When you move to your new home, it might be worth seeing if there are any groups around which could support you (Mother and baby/ local women's support groups,/communal organisations etc ) as you might find a replacement for the family support which you lack. I hope that you will be able to fit it all in. As the mother of four children, I do recall that the third was a bit of a shock and seemed much more than two. You only have two hands and juggling three children requires a great effort. You may find that some of the things you are doing need to take a back seat while you acclimatise yourself to your larger family. Do not feel that this represents any failure should this happen - you may just be trying to do the impossible! It does sound like your husband is also very supportive which is great but he is also studying and turning your mind to that with a small baby and possibly sleepless nights does require a great deal of motivation. Although I suspect that you do both have that otherwise you would not have got this far! Focusing on your end goal of getting off benefits and getting a qualification should provide you with the motivation you need but do not push yourself so much that your stress levels rocket. Just remember that we are all human and need to rest as well from time to time. I do hope that all goes well for you with the coming baby and your new home. Diana Wolfin


Dear Diana, I work full time (as does my husband who is very supportive as is my mother-in-law)- I work for local Government as a Senior Manager (usually about 45hours per week). We have two boys aged 4 and 2, I drop my eldest to school in the morning & arrive at work at 9am, I leave work at 6pm to pick up my youngest from nursery and get home feeling shattered every day. I've tried going to the gym at lunchtimes but work seems so pressured at the moment that I don't have a lunch break or I am attending a lunchtime seminar/meeting. I feel I am in a downward spiral of "not enough time in the day - can't do my job properly - lack of confidence - want to spend more time with my family" and on top of it all I sometimes feel I have to work weekends just to clear my mind of all the clutter that I would worry about in bed. As you can guess my sleep is often disturbed. I feel I can't let my employer down by leaving this job right now as the business is at a critical time and my work is key, the market is also very oversupplied with labour at the moment and I worry that I won't get a job which pays the mortgage. I know I'm disorganised but when I start trying new methods of organising myself I often end up frustrated when unplanned things happen! I have had 2 lots of 1 week holidays this year, most of the rest of my leave has been used up in addition to my special leave entitlement to look after the boys when they have been sick, but somehow don't feel any better for it. I have no idea how I'm going to cope next year!!! can you help?

Dear Donna - reading your question made me feel that you are probably trying to do the impossible and are expecting more of yourself than you can probably give. You have a very responsible job, pressure to pay the mortgage from your salary and two young and probably demanding sons. I am not surprised that you feel in a "downward spiral". Without a detailed look at how you organise yourself, it is difficult to know where the problem areas are - you say that you are disorganised and find it hard to deal with the unexpected. This is most likely because there is no breathing space in your life and little contingency planning. When your life only works well if everything is going smoothly, (almost impossible for us all!) you are bound to feel stressed. You work very long hours - would it be possible to work 4 days a week, with the necessary salary cut - and still meet your financial commitments? Local Government should be receptive to a more flexible way of working and as a mother of young children you are entitled to ask. I know that you do not want to let them down at work, but if you are so stressed that you cannot function, you will not be able to perform well. Is there anyone in a more senior role you can talk to? You say that your mother-in-law is very supportive, so this might be the time to delegate some tasks to her which you do not need to do yourself, to leave you free for those things which you must do. Is there anyone who might be able to share the school run with you, or could your husband help you there? Would an au pair help you - balancing the cost against the childcare which you might be facing, it could be an option. You may find it a useful exercise to look at what is really important to you - children, job, money, health - probably all of these - but you may need to do some tough prioritising.If you are able, look at how you spend your time when you are not working to see how you could organise yourself better - I know it is hard as children are often so unpredictable. If you could learn how to cope with the unexpected then life might take on a less frantic feel. I sympathise totally and hope that this year has started a little better for you. Do talk to your husband about this - there may be some practical assistance which he could give you at home to take the pressure off - and to help you to leave your work at the office door. With a good night's sleep you may be able to face the day with more resilience! I hope this has been helpful. Diana www.changingdirection.com


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