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Work Life Balance

Happy Parents, happy kids - why boosting your self esteem is the best present you can give your child.

Getting the right Work Life Balance is only going to work if you enjoy it when you get there. If you're constantly worried about certain areas of your life, chances are your self esteem will drop considerably.

Ever been on an airplane when they’re doing the safety announcements? Remember how they say that in the event of an emergency, you should put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your child? That’s because if you’re not fully functioning you won’t be able to help your child, should the worst occur. This goes for every area of life – investing in yourself is the best way to ensure that you’ll stay resourceful enough to support your child, however bumpy the ride.

WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?

Self esteem is all about how good you feel about yourself. It includes self respect, inner and outer confidence, independence and self reliance. People with high self esteem are generally more positive and successful at dealing with life. They achieve more because they believe in their own ability to do whatever they set their mind to. They see every setback as an opportunity to learn and grow.

TIPS FOR RAISING YOUR SELF ESTEEM

1. Remember what an important role model you are in your children’s eyes. You are a mirror of who they are. The younger they are, the more important your influence is to them. Think of the impact your own parents have had on your life. Now, what sort of role model do you want to be? What positive values do you want to pass on? Help your objective become a reality by writing it down.

2. Write out a list of your strengths. What are you proud of having achieved in your life? What are you good at? What do you most like about yourself? If you’re not sure where to start, ask a good friend whom you trust what they see as being your strengths. Write down at least 10 strengths and read it back regularly, particularly if you’re feeling down.

3. Focus on what you really want out of life. If you were to wake up tomorrow at 100% confidence, what would you do? Now, what’s the easiest step you can take to get you there? Raised confidence and self-esteem comes by action. It’s very common to think ‘If I felt better about myself then I’d get a job/climb a mountain/lose weight/whatever’ but true confidence comes by doing. When you start to reach out for the things you really want your confidence will grow. If a goal seems too big to be achievable, break it down into steps until you get to one you can do easily. For example, the first step towards finding the job of your dreams could be doing a search on the internet or talking to a friend about it.

4. Feed your mind. Read something positive every day, even if it’s only for 10 minutes. And if you haven’t got 10 minutes, find a favourite inspiring quote, write it out and put it where you’ll see it every day, such as on the bathroom mirror.

5. Watch your language. Monitor your own self talk and start to make it more positive. On average we have 150 words a minute running through our heads, and if most of that’s telling you that you’re not good enough, you can see that the cumulative effect’s not going to be good. You can change the course of this stream of consciousness. Take note of the kind of put-downs you regularly use and start to change them. Do you ever find yourself thinking ‘I’m not good enough, if only I was a better parent/wife/husband/worker/ whatever?’

What we think has a direct bearing on what we say and do. Experts estimate that as much as 95% of how you feel about yourself is determined by how you talk to yourself. By talking back to that little voice that tells you you’re not good enough, you’ll start to really believe that you are.

6. Let go of perfection. When you die, your laundry basket will not be empty. But nobody at your funeral will be talking about that. You’ll be remembered for the person you were and the good qualities you have. Expecting perfection is a straight path to feeling bad, because all you’re doing is setting yourself up to fail. Set your own standards and feel proud of achieving them.

7. Take up regular exercise. A healthy mind really does go hand in hand with a healthy body. Do you want your kids to grow up fit and healthy? Well, who are they going to learn that from if not you?

8. Celebrate yourself – I mean literally. When was the last time you did something purely because you wanted to? Get your partner or a friend to take the kids for a few hours and take yourself out on a date. Treat yourself like your own best friend. Show your children that it’s good to feel good about yourself, and that you’re all people worthy of celebrating.

© Joanne Mallon 2005

Further reading: Self Esteem – Gael Lindenfield Take Time for Your Life – Cheryl Richardson Living Your Best Life – Laura Berman Fortgang